Mike left earlier today and I felt a wash of relief as I closed the front door behind him. His presence was making me irrationally irate. I do feel bad because last night after the reading we went to I was rude to him. I felt agitated from the terrible dissonance of the band that played awkwardly at the reading. I don’t feel like it will help or change anything to go on at length about my bad state last night.
Today I spent the entire day with Nicole in our apartment. We drank vodka and water all day. We did the things we usually do when we refuse to leave the house: talked about sex and social politics, cooked, she worked on her paper, I read my book etc. For a while I was on the phone and she sketched me as I was lying down on the futon. The illustration was really beautiful. She was ashamed of it, which was endearing because of how skillfully crafted the likeness was. I could spend everyday with Nicole and never grow tired of her, I’m sure of it.
Jakub is still on my mind. I fret a bit because since I haven’t heard from him in a couple of days I feel like he has forgotten about me.
Nicole and I just ate a pie plate of Jell-O shots. I feel more fucked up than I expected us to be. Oh shit.