May 6, 2008

Jeffrey was over last night. He is a little delight in short doses. We made dinner, watched a movie, drank beer and talked to Nicole while she sewed her hammock, then retired to my room and fucked. We talked about sex quite a bit in the latter half of the evening. He claimed he decided he didn’t like it. He told me about a girl at Pratt whom he slept with the previous day and how she hurt his dick when she gave him a hand job and then was offended that he would rather mutually masturbate than fuck her. I just tried to comfort him and told him that there will be more lackluster sexual experiences in his life than fantastic ones and that really it is all about being vocal and honest with a partner. I was worried he was bringing this up initially to passive aggressively tell me not to have sex with him. Thankfully that was not the case, or if it was it didn’t matter much. He became very affectionate and snuggly the later the evening got. He kept taking little sips of my 40oz, because I think he was trying to impress me a bit. At one point he was laying his head on my breasts and said to me, “Kendra, you would make a good mommy.” It made me smile. It very much summed up my relationship to him. One of much facilitation and tolerance. I feel the need to be patient and kind with him even when he says annoying or offensive things, because it seems to me that he is emotionally innocent. He is curious to explore things in the same way a five-year-old child is.

When we were in bed it did not take him long to start getting playful and curious. We got under the covers and talked for a bit before he got on top of me. He held my entire head and I began kissing his neck to relax him. He moved his face and be began kissing and touching. He loves to kiss and touch. We kissed and touched and squirmed around together for longer than I am used to, but he clearly established his comfort level with me earlier and it felt nice anyways. I took care to kiss and pinch body parts and to always ask him if it felt good. I suddenly became curious if I could please him better than the girls he has previously been with, mostly because I was sure I could. I think when he was complaining to me about sex he was actually asking for help. I was extra careful when I touched his dick, asking how it felt with every different caress and gesture. He likes to be over me. He would not get off of me. Jeffrey was clearly asserting his control over the situation with his physical presence. He would kiss my face and hold my whole body close and grind very hard against me. I told him to take off his underwear and asked him if he liked my bra on or off. He liked it on. I asked him if I should touch myself and he said yes. He was physically in control but he wanted me to take the lead with suggestion. I licked and played with his cock but very quickly he wanted to cradle my head and fuck my throat. It felt really wonderful especially since I was touching myself and he was demanding that I make myself cum. He asked if he could cum in my mouth and I told him I wanted him to. He bent over me like an animal and fucked my face very hard and told me to move my tongue around. I told him to hold my neck while he masturbated in my face. He did and I realized how much I like to be slightly choked during sex. He got distracted and choked me very hard for a moment and I liked the dizziness it gave me. For a moment everything seemed fake and beautiful and I felt euphoric. He fucked my face again until he came in my mouth and I swallowed. After I turned off the lights and we quickly fell asleep facing each other but not touching because we were both hot and sweaty.

In the morning I awoke with his hard on pressed into my back. So I shoved my ass up into it and could feel it flex and get harder. We laid spooning and grinding together until I took my panties off and turned over and kissed his chest, belly, thighs and then his dick. He very quickly grabbed my head and held it stationary while he fucked my face. I moved off of him and he took off his underwear again. I lay on my back and faced away. At this point I couldn’t help myself, I just felt so desperate, I begged him to fuck me and handed him a condom. He put it on and grabbed my hips but pressed down on the small of my back so I was belly down, legs spread wide and he came up behind me. It felt so wonderful. He just kept fucking and fucking. I only wish he had fucked a little harder so it had that lovely tinge of pain that I like from time to time. But he did very well. I said if he wanted he could stop and finish by jerking off on me. He said, “no . . . more,” and fucked faster and more fiercely until he came.

We got dressed and left shortly. I took some photos of him while he lay on the couch. He has a beautiful face. And a fucking lovely body. Its thin and gaunt but very large and strong with a square build. I don’t exactly feel even remotely better about Jakub, but I feel beautiful today. He told me I was soft so many times and caressed my body like it was the most foreign thing he had ever seen.